Deep Dark Healing? What???

“Deep Dark Healing”

“Dark night of the soul” is what they call it; when you reach rock bottom. Usually this is a term used by addicts who get that final horrible event that leads them to an epiphany thus waking them up to get help.

For the rest of us, this is a very similar thing actually. I’ve read about it before and I’ve heard lectures that discuss what it is. I had no idea what it actually was though without going through it for myself.

Without telling you what caused it; I will tell you that it took quite an emotional beat down for me to reach my “rock bottom”. I thought I had learned everything there was to know about spirituality and how this works.

I thought I was ahead of the game in knowing that I didn’t have to experience this. I was even teaching people and helping coach them with their own lives. Little did I know I had to experience it for myself.

You cannot teach what you have not experienced firsthand. I learned this the hard way. This is sadly the way I learn most things in my life and have always been this way.
My rock bottom has been one that wasn’t just one night but has been for a few months and I’m still not quite out of it. I’m writing as I feel it may help me finally pull myself up and get back on my path.

This is an extremely powerful spiritual experience that everyone must experience in their lives to help them see it for what it is, learn from it, heal from it, and get onto the path they’re meant to be on.

It’s hard, it’s cruel, it’s painful, and it’s nothing that anyone actually wants to go through. The Universe, Spirit Guides, and Angels will get through to you one way or another.

When you reach the point I’m going through; you realize that you’ve ignored a lot that has come through over the years and with cockiness; you thought you knew better when really; you didn’t know a thing.

Ego will teach you that you know everything already and have nothing to worry about. Other people’s problems are THEIR problems. Other people also think their problems are their problems. Then they pull you in without realizing the ramifications of it.

They will still tell you it’s not your problem but when you’re with them and are close to them; you cannot help but be involved in some way. The desire to fix them or help them is so strong.

However; as painful as it is; you cannot intervene. All you can do is be there and let them vent to you when they can. That is their way of healing without you being involved directly.

In this process; you get broken down as well as you realize that in some way; they are mirroring things within you that also need work. Things you thought you’d worked past or healed from re-emerge.

The pain becomes just as fresh as it was when it happened in the first place. This starts to make you feel vulnerable and while the other person is venting to you their grievances; you’re also thinking of your own. 

The two become mixed and you start to feel like maybe things are hopeless and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Then one day after much praying or meditation; you realize you have to make a change.

The first step in the process is admitting you have old wounds you haven’t yet healed. Realize that you cannot change the past and even if you could; it would change who you are now.

Again; it’s a bit like Addiction Anonymous … that you need to accept the things that you cannot change. A Course In Miracles is a book based on Jesus’ teachings and that same principle is pointed out in there as well.

You have to accept that you’re in pain, accept that you have not healed, look at what chains you to it and now you have to take actions to heal this. By you healing your own pain; you then ricochet and are able to help others.

The person who woke this all up inside you will also be inspired by the healing you’re implementing for yourself. He/She may actually grow and start to work at their own thus both of you have healing occurring.

This karmic relationship causes you to be aware of what in yourself needs healing via them showing you the healing that they need for themselves. It will often be situations that are strikingly similar and hard to ignore.

If you’ve ever heard any expression about someone mirroring you, this is what they are referring to. If there are habits of yours that are horrid, someone will come into your life and mirror those same habits or something similar.

When you keep repeating a pattern that you aren’t seeing; someone will be thrown into your life to show you that pattern in order for you to recognize it and starting taking a different path thus not repeating the same mistakes.

This person will at first seem very loving and care very much for you. I’m not saying that they don’t but I am saying that at first it’s rainbows and lollipops as you realize you have a whole heck of a lot in common.

What you end up finding out is that you have more in common than you’d ever wish for. As such, the pain starts coming out, you start arguing, and crap hits the fan in every way.

You start to dig into each other and realize that you’re probably too much alike. You mirror each other thus causing each other to think about everything you’ve been through in life and what needs work.

The twist will come when you have to decide if you’re going to work on this and become a Spiritual relationship or if you will call it quits and figure that karma is done and you can move on.

It’s different for everyone as situations will always vary. For those that aren’t aware of what a Karmic relationship is or what a Spiritual relationship is; I’ll break it down further.

Karmic relationships are the type of relationships you get into that mirror you so that you learn lessons, learn healing, and learn better about humanity. Spiritual relationships are the ones you have when you and the other person are already healed and don’t need to mirror one another. I would say that 9 out of 10 relationships are Karmic.

This doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship; it can also be friendships, family, etc. Whatever you’ve built up in this life or in past ones (if you believe in reincarnation), you will be faced with mirrors every chance that the Universe gets until you “get it” and work toward healing it.

Why do you keep attracting the same type of partner? You will keep attracting them until you see the mirror being put in your face, realize your own patterns, your own pain, and things you need to heal within.

Then and only then will you make a change and attract a different type of partner. That’s how it works. It’s a hard fact to face but we as humans; have a very hurt inner core. Until we fix it; we will never find fulfillment in any relationship. That is a fact.

We can never rely on someone else to provide us with joy, love, or healing. We have to do it for ourselves, no exception. However as I mentioned; you CAN be in a karmic relationship, see it for what it is, and decide to do the work on yourself thus helping your partner do the same. THEN it can grow from Karmic to Spiritual.

Both partners have to want to do the work on themselves while simply being there for one another through the process. The support can be a tremendous comfort but ultimately we still have to heal on our own.

We can certainly vent to each other and be there to offer advice if needed or desired. We also must take time to do things that heal ourselves. Meditate, do yoga, or something that feeds the soul.

My own method is by doing meditation on my Chakras, praying, and accepting massages from my partner when offered. Love via touch (massages, body touches) is a tremendous healing tool. It gives you surface love that you can let sink in so that your own spirit can work up strength to heal itself.

I know all this sounds complicated but trust me; when you see it for yourself; you’ll know exactly what I mean. It’s hard, it’s not fun, and man it makes you want to either commit suicide, go get locked up in a looney bin, or it can make you grow.

Ultimately it’s your choice what path you want to take but I myself; am taking the path of growth. It’s hard to muscle through but just like in Alcoholic Anonymous, I’m taking it “One Day At a Time”.

Be present, stop looking backwards and stop worrying about tomorrow. Feel what you feel then start working on letting it go if it’s not of loving nature. There are plenty of methods to work toward that but you’ve got to stay on it.

Don’t quit just because you feel somewhat better. Keep going at it until the past is no longer a factor in your life. When you can look at right now and be happy with it; then you’ve come full circle.

Until you get there though; you’ve got work to do. Get after it! Don’t give up the fight!

If you need some assistance through your own experience, please feel free to reach out. Visit my Facebook Page Shop and I'll be happy to help you in whatever way that I can. 


  1. It's amazing how similar we truly are. I not only understood but felt it on a spiritual level. Love you, Jen. You are a strong, amazing woman and you are a gift to us all.


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